I have a question about friendship. Since when did being friends mean you can't disagree with your friend and you can't tell them they are wrong? Have you noticed that trend in America? If you are my friend, then you are going to agree with everything I say and everything I do. NO, I'm not for a very basic reason that I am not you and I am different than you. Because I'm human and you are human and we are both flawed and going to make mistakes. I don't even agree with everything I DO and Say, so trying to get me to agree with everything you do and say, forget it!
Does the bible have anything to say about this? Why actually it does! Proverbs 27:6 says that "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Then there is that ever quoted famous verse from Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." Speaking about agreeing with your friends and sometimes intentionally wounding your friend with the intent of helping them, we see that the bible is clear. Sometimes we do have to tell our friends hard things that will potentially hurt their feelings. Sometimes we have to disagree with our friend. Sometimes they are wrong and if we are going to be a REAL friend we must speak the truth to them IN LOVE! Colossians 4:6 exhorts us to "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." And Ephesians 4:29 tells us to "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." When we have to reprove a friend, we need to make sure it is for their good. It is to edify, to build them up, to minister grace, to help them be the best version of themselves that they can be. When those times come that you have to "talk" to your friend can I offer a few practical suggestions.
1. Examine your heart and ask why are you going to talk to that friend?
2. What do you want the end result to be?
3. Do you have a bible principle that will support what you are saying? If so use it, the bible is the only thing promised to not return void.
4. Remember, people will not always remember what you do and say but they will remember how you made them feel. There is a way to get on to someone and still make them feel special and valuable. Remind them that you love them and that love for them is what spurred you to say what you did. Remind them they are valuable and it is only one mistake, it's not the end of their life . . . yet.
5. Pray, Pray, and PRAY. Then when you go to meet with them, pray again with them. Ask them to pray out loud. Ask them to pray for you and that you will say what God wants you to say and how to say it. Pray out loud for them that they will hear what God has laid on your heart. This will keep God central in your discussion.
6. Don't attack the person . . . attack the problem! The person is NOT the problem, they made a mistake, they are not the mistake!
7. Be honest. Be clear. Use simple language. Don't complicate the matter with lots of words but don't lie about how you feel or the situation. That won't help anyone, you or your friend.
8. This is a big one: ACT, don't react. As women, we are natural reactors. Determine before hand that you are going to be sweet, kind, and nice. That you are going to move at every impulse of the Holy Spirit and as a result you are going to do and say what God wants you to.
But what about those times when you offend your friend unintentionally? There are times when being human you will hurt your friend. There are times when you will make a mistake, say an ill word, be an outright grouch and go around wreaking havoc on some poor unsuspecting friend. The bible says that "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle." When we offend or think we have offended, Matthew 18 gives some clear instructions on what to do. We are to go to our friend and, NOT with a haughty attitude, but rather a humble attitude seeking their forgiveness. Ask them to explain what you did wrong (IF you don't know) with the attitude of being able to correct your behavior. Be sincere. Don't be judgmental. If your friend is able to identify how you were wrong, apologize. Ask them to forgive you. Ask them to pray with you then, out loud, pray and ask God to forgive your wrong and to help you do better.
There is certain level of maturity that comes in in realizing that we are not going to agree with everyone 100% and that that is ok! If we all agreed 100% with everyone we would be nothing short of robots, but thankfully we are not! We are individuals and we all have the potential to make it better for someone else here on earth! But whatever we do, let it be with grace so as to help our friends.
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