Shamed . . .

Have you ever had a moment like this one in the picture with your children? I have. Several times. Yesterday was the worst. I was in a discipleship class expounding the word of God and down comes my daughter, yelling screaming and carrying on like she was about to die! To say that I was shamed was an understatement. I honestly didn't know what had come over her. She isn't usually like this. And all of you reading this are saying, Yeah that's what all moms say! For the most part I have good kids. I understand they are kids. They do things wrong but they get punished for them. For the most part we are consistent parents. My husband is much better than me as I often forget but I have wonderful children who remind me that I forget! Seriously, Wednesday Drew came home from church and I'm busy getting dinner finished and he says, "Am I still in trouble? Do you still need to punish me, Mommy?" I don't know if my children are extremely honest, have a guilty conscious, or just think that by their reminding me maybe I'll feel like they understood and don't need to be punished . . . whatever the reason I thank them for reminding me and deal out whatever punishment I had forgotten about. This behavior of Abby was strange. She seemed out of her mind and actually kept saying that her mind was not with her. It was comical and she would shake her head side to side as she said it so I didn't think anything about it. The lady I was discipling was talking about how late her kids were up last night and how awful it had been for her kids getting up in the morning. My child comes down with yet another meltdown. Uncharacteristic. I try to love her, reason with her, get stern with her, resort to telling her the dire consequences that await should this behavior continue and all to no avail. I literally ONLY had ONE paragraph left to read  and we would be done but it was as if the whole world fell apart. This dear lady again talked about how tired her kids were this morning and it all came crashing together in my mind. All the piece exploded from their dormant places of memory and came rushing together to show me the big picture. The night before was Wednesday. Wednesdays are our late days, they just are, Thursdays are our tired days but we deal with it because we love our church and wouldn't have it any other way! Wednesday I got home, made dinner and we decided to do something fun with the kids and let them have a campout. My husband camped out with my son on the front room floor and I wimped out and camped out on my bed with my daughter. We turned on ONE netflix movie and proceeded to lay down. I was exhausted. I fell asleep almost immediately. My daughter took the ipad and started watching netflix after netflix after netflix. I have no clue when she finally fell asleep. She was sleeping on the ipad when I woke her up in the morning. Getting her out of bed was like pulling teeth. (At this point, I am not making the connection that she probably stayed up all night and most of the morning.) On the way to school she fell asleep. When we got to school she told her teacher that she had stayed up all night watching movies. (Still I'm not putting the pieces together. Call me blond, I deserve it!) I picked her up from school, brought her to church, and did some fun things with her. Tried to get her to sleep but she was strangely wired. Brought her to the first discipleship and she was good. The second one is where it all fell apart. By this time she had been up from 7:15 till 6 with no nap and very little sleep the night before. Thus the melt down. Last night is a classic example of my children being left alone. The fit she threw and did a great job of throwing was MY fault! I did not make sure she got the right amount of sleep! I had left her alone to find her own way, do her own thing and she did it with gusto it ending with a huge fit! 

Read that verse again: The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother shame. I always got a little offended that it didn't say it brings the mother AND the father shame. Why is the mom the only one getting picked on here? I think it's because we are to be keepers AT the home. We are to be the primary caregiver for our children. I know it's not a popular idea but ladies we are to be AT home raising our children. When we don't do our job they bring us shame. They do not arise up and call us blessed. Yesterday was a out of the normal example. My daughter usually gets the rest she needs. But what about the times I spend more time on the computer or watching tv than with my children. My children desperately desire my time. We have adopted the false thinking that "quality time" is somehow better than "quantity time". This thinking is FALSE. Our children need our time. They need us to play with them. Playing with them can teach them how to play with others! It can teach them how to clean up as they play. We can incorporate life lessons through acting out things as we play. Our children need us to read to them. Fun stories, yes, but Bible stories. Act out the Bible stories, make it FUN! Our children need us to include them. It is OUR job to make them feel like they are part of the family. I read a quote, People won't remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel. This is SO true of our children. They aren't going to remember all the things you say and do with and for them, but they will remember how you made them feel growing up. Just because you brought this little bundle of life into the world, doesn't mean they feel like they are part of your world. You children need this, include them in grocery shopping, let them pick out ONE snack or cereal. Include them in cooking, let them add the ingredients or use the mixer. Include them in cleanup, one of my children's favorite jobs is cleaning the toilet. Let them swish it around, or mop it up, or dust with you. Give them a sense of accomplishment at a job well done! Let them see the house cleaned up not just at your hand but with their too. Brag on them to their father when he comes home and to their grandparents over the phone. Let people know what they have done IN FRONT of your children. Make them feel good about themselves at home. 

Notice this verse says, Rod and Reproof. We all know to spank/discipline our children. We all know the importance of training our children but training doesn't just include the rod. Training isn't always the negative, it is the positive too. The reproof is just as necessary as the rod. The reproof aids the rod and helps the rod be understood. Reproof are times of just sitting and talking with your children about their day, their likes, their dislikes, how to handle situations that come up, etc. I read a quote the other day, If you don't listen to your children when they are young they won't want to talk to you when they are old because to them it was all important. That is so true. I can remember just going on and on to my mom about things that had been fun and exciting and relaying the whole story to her word for word, detail for detail and she would ALWAYS listen. To this day, I still call my mom and tell her things that happen to me, because she will listen! I want to do that for my children! I must spend time WITH my children, Quantity Time, not just Quality Time. I would challenge you as well. Are you spending time with your children or are you leaving them to themselves? If so, don't be surprised, shocked, or even angered when they bring you shame, because they will and you will have no one to blame but yourself!